Finding Time for You

Years ago, I ran the half marathon in Providence. It was a great day on a beautiful course. Not too hot, with the sun behind the clouds for most of the run and a nice breeze. I ran better than I ever have. But that was not the best part of the day....

Along the course I saw four families that I had worked with the prior year. Their houses were on the race course and they were just hanging out watching the race go by, certainly not expecting to see me! Some only recognized me when I told them who I was and went flying by. But it made my day to see them. I was reminded of the difficulties each had encountered and how they overcame them. I also went by many houses of clients who weren't out on the course. As usual, I wondered how they had fared after our brief encounter. Not wanting to be a pest, I had stopped calling. But I think of them often, especially when I am in their neighborhood. If I am lucky, they will call months after our visit, with what they consider a silly question, not having any idea how thrilled I am to hear from them and know they are doing well.

Another chance encounter that day brought me face to face with a client in the line for the potties just before the race. I had helped her with both of her daughters, and the youngest had just turned one. She admitted the last year had been a difficult one for her and she was starting to get back to "normal" and doing something for herself. "Good for you," I told her and I meant it! Good for her husband too, for helping to make it happen. And then, I thought about her the whole time I was running.

How did this mom figure out something in three years that it took me 18 years of motherhood to realize? I was so proud of her! I know now that I have to take care of myself. No one else is going to do it for me. In fact, if given the option, those that love me will take and take until I have nothing left. They are children, and that is what they do. And my husband will let it happen, because if he doesn't, it's more work for him. He has a honey do list a mile long, a family to support and teams to coach. And honestly, he's in the same boat I am in, putting ourselves last.

I came to this realization by becoming sick enough to be hospitalized and ill for 9 months. Not to be overly dramatic, but there was a point where I really did feel like I was dying. This was after a Spring with bronchitis, another with pneumonia and yet another where I passed out and broke my leg in two places. Clearly, it takes me a while to get something! I needed to slow down. I needed to take care of myself.

And so I started. I got back into running as soon as I could and started training with a goal, which changes with every half marathon I run. Together, my husband and I started saying NO. We started limiting our boy's activities. We stopped doing things we didn't want to do, and doing what mattered most to us. When things got crazy, my husband gently would point out what I didn't need to be doing. We talked more and started prioritizing. We really became a team and started taking control of our family life. It's not always perfect, but we can rein it in pretty quickly when we need to and I don't feel the least bit bad about it.

Best of all, he is taking care of himself too. He has set a goal of biking 1000 miles and he is well on his way! I like to run in the morning, he prefers to bike in the afternoon or evening. We have become protective of each other's opportunity to exercise and work very hard to make sure the other gets their chance to do it. And now we see our sons, who are all men now, doing the same thing, without a word from either of us.....which of course, would have the opposite effect.

And now to the very best part of that run. At mile 12.5, in the blurry distance, I could see the hair of my three oldest redheads, and the colorful shirt my husband was wearing. All five boys were screaming for me, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I was doing something that was impossible 2 years prior, and they had helped me get here. I am a much better mother because of the time I take for myself-healthier, happier and around for the long haul ahead. I can tell it is going to be wonderful in different ways than my first 30 years of motherhood, but I am ready for it!  PLEASE take care of yourself and make it a priority.  I want you to be ready for the wonderful years ahead for you too!