Today’s Mothers are Nothing Short of Amazing

One of my favorite things to do on a Sunday morning is to read the New York Times. My husband and I will drink our coffee and sit by the fire. We pass articles back and forth to each other that we think the other should read, while the Avett Brothers play softly on Spotify in the background. It is a time in my life that I never thought would happen when I was raising 4 little boys. I couldn't read a bill uninterrupted, let alone a whole article. And yet here I am, my youngest a freshman in college and my oldest turning 30 this year, and it happened so fast. I feel guilty that this is even an option for me, when I know it is not an option for you.

This Sunday, there was an entire section dedicated to you dear reader, and if you didn’t see it, I am hoping you can steal some time to check it out. Titled “America’s Mothers Are in Crisis. Is Anyone Listening to Them?”, it is worth signing up for a free week of NYT. There are seven articles in total, each addressing different aspects of the effects of the pandemic on mothers. One tracks the experience of 3 mothers as they try to navigate the challenges of working at home while managing the education of their children. Others address the exhaustion and betrayal mothers feel and the financial implications of the pandemic that will affect women for years to come. For those of you out there feeling that pain, I am hoping these articles will validate what you are going through. You aren’t crazy or alone in your feelings. Other articles discuss if/how Biden’s stimulus will help families, women's rights as a working parent, and recommendations to help fix our broken system. It is these articles that I hope will give you some insight into the positive changes to come that will rectify the injustices that this pandemic has highlighted.

I have been privy to these injustices mentioned in these articles for years and see it in my work every day. Insurance plans that cover the black, brown and poor among us do not provide their members with the same postpartum support white women are afforded, even though that care is mandated by the Essential Health Benefits of the Affordable Care Act. Women of color (even Serena Williams!!!) routinely have their health care concerns dismissed, causing some to die from lack of care. Men hide away in their home office while women work on the kitchen countertop, navigating meals, their children’s education, their work, and housework.

On a more positive note, men are now being afforded months of paid paternity leave because they simply asked for it. I think this is wonderful and it gives me great hope for a different experience for my sons. I came home from the hospital on a Saturday with my 4th son, and my husband was back at work on Monday. But what about the woman that actually gave birth to the baby? Now these employers are realizing that maybe she deserves a long paid leave too. While it infuriates me, it is progress. Also encouraging is that the rate of premature births decreased in 2020. Pregnant women were working from home and not under the stress of a commute and hours at an office, which improved their overall maternal health. There is talk of policy changes because of that unexpected side effect of the pandemic and I am hoping those come to pass.

Every day, I come in contact with my patients, sisters, and nieces, and I am stunned by what they have to deal with. I marvel at how they are piecing it all together and sacrificing daily for their children, often at a considerable cost to both their physical and mental health. I try my best to remind them all, that they are nothing short of heroic. They are being asked to do what no man would even consider. I am in awe of all of their efforts to maintain some sort of normalcy for their children. I am hopeful that the pandemic will bring considerable changes to the social policies in America that affect women, children, and families. And I am reminded of a quote from Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, a woman with tremendous resources, that “If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much.” Please remember that. What you are doing now matters. It’s hard. It’s not fair. It’s a daily groundhog’s day grind. But it is the most important work you will ever do. Someday, you will look back on this time with pride at your ability to make it through. And your children will be raising children of their own, and realize what a hero you really are!