Developmental Milestones = Chaos!

Lately, I have found myself often directing parents to one of my favorite books, Touchpoints Birth-3 Years, by T. Berry Brazelton MD. For those of you that don’t know him, Dr. Brazelton was one of the first stars of cable TV, back when the Lifetime Channel launched and was one of only 3 cable channels out there. I am clearly dating myself, but this was a big deal when I was 26 and had my first son. His TV show, “What Every Baby Knows,” was a lifeline for me, when I worried incessantly over properly taking care of my son. Oddly, I was a baby nurse, with years of experience in the NICU. I could handle a baby with a life-threatening condition. But give me a healthy, perfect little boy, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with him.

Dr. Brazelton writes: “Touchpoints, which are universal, are those predictable times that occur just before a surge of rapid growth in any line of development-motor, cognitive, or emotional-when, for a short time, the child’s behavior falls apart. Parents can no longer rely on past accomplishments. The child often regresses in several areas and becomes difficult to understand. Parents lose their own balance and become alarmed.” When this happens, there is often a period of chaos in the home. This is because parents generally continue doing what has always worked for them when caring for their child, but now, it doesn’t work for their child any longer. As a result, the child is frustrated, because he is ready for something else, and the parents are frustrated with their child, because he isn’t as cooperative as he has been in the past.”

Babies have multiple touchpoints in the first year, and Dr. Brazelton writes extensively about them, as well as how to understand your baby’s state and his way of managing his environment. While the edition I have in my possession has some outdated theories in it, I highly recommend reading it. I find the overarching theme to be spot on as it has helped me tremendously with my own boys and the families I care for. As I am often the one that gets the call when nothing seems to be working at home, I thought I would share some examples of touchpoints I have seen recently. I am hoping that when they happen to you, you might recognize them and change with your baby, rather than fighting it.

Probably the biggest and most frequent touchpoint I see is a baby’s desire to be nursed in the cradle hold rather than the cross cradle or football hold. I would estimate that 10 times a month, I get a call that the baby is fighting Mom at the breast. He seems to want to eat, yet won’t latch, often bobbing his head all over the place, or arching his back and pulling away from the breast. I usually see this after the 3-week growth spurt or when babies weigh about 10 lbs. A simple switch to the cradle hold usually solves that problem immediately. The baby is upright rather than lying down, and he rests his head in Mom’s elbow, while her bicep is touching her breast and his bum is in her hand/on her thigh. Both Mom and baby are instantly more comfortable.

Other examples of touchpoints in the newborn period are babies who no longer want to be swaddled, won’t sleep when the parents are in the room with them, have outgrown the bassinet and prefer a crib, or simply need more milk. Many times, I will meet with a family at 3 months that is still doing what they were told to do in the hospital and waking their baby every 2 hours to feed. Or they continue feeding their baby a 3 oz bottle at 6 months, all while paced bottle feeding, because I told them to do that when offering their 10-pound baby his first bottle after his 3-week growth spurt. Now he weighs 20 lbs., is miserable and not sleeping at night.

I know these examples might seem silly, but I am hoping they illustrate an important point.

If what you are doing isn’t working, and in fact seems to make your baby unhappier, stop doing it and try something different. He is probably ready for something else. Remember that things should be getting easier and easier each week: relatively speaking-you are raising a human after all! You really know your baby better than anyone, and probably already have an inkling of changes that might work. Trust your judgement (and your partners!) and experiment. If it doesn’t work, try something else. And if you need to, refer to this wonderful book to see what might be going on with your baby. A little insight into what is “normal” does wonders to help you realize nothing is wrong and teach you to roll with the good changes that are coming.